There's an Asamoah Gyan in all of us

Asamoah Gyan is my hero. Exactly the sort of footballer I like: fearless, hard working and spirited. He never gives up and works tirelessly for his team. And when you see a person like him in pain, you feel for him. This is why I, like many around the world, was heartbroken yesterday as Ghana was knocked out of the World Cup in the cruelest of ways and my hero Asamoah was left in tears, a broken man.

Let me recall the events that took place. Ghana was awarded a penalty in the 120th minute as Luis Suarez deliberately handled a goal-bound shot. Asamoah Gyan stepped up…and missed, firing his shot into the crossbar. Uruguay went on to win in the match in the penalty shootout. While that cheat Luis Suarez rejoiced the Ghana team was devastated.

Asamoah had been the hero in all of Ghana’s previous World Cup wins. He had stepped up to take the penalty against Serbia late on and scored. He again scored from the penalty spot against Australia. In both games he was named man of the match. In the knockout stages Gyan’s wonderful extra-time winner saw Ghana beat the USA and reach the World Cup quarterfinals for the first time in history. Asamoah had also scored Ghana’s first ever World Cup goal back in 2006. Ghana was the pride of Africa and it was largely due to one man, Asamoah Gyan. Yet at the end of the match yesterday he was left blaming himself for his team’s World Cup exit.

We all make mistakes. We all do wrong in our lives. But few are as brave as Asamoah. Few carry the hopes and expectations of a whole nation. And hardly any people are as courageous and determined. Rarely does anyone win the hearts of millions around the world even in defeat. We all strive to be like Asamoah. He represents all that is right in the world. We all wish we could be like him. And that’s why there’s an Asamoah Gyan in all of us. Be champions!

The Need for Greater Action

If this World Cup has taught us anything it is that sometimes even when you cheat you win. Even when you do the most horrible things you get away with it. And the authorities concerned let you get away it because they either don’t care or are not concerned enough to take care of it. This is in sharp contrast to what you are taught growing up. You are told to do good and not cheat. Because cheating will lead to severe consequences from which there is no escape. I guess my parents and teachers were wrong then.

FIFA has failed us. The Beautiful Game has recently been full of ugliness and deception. And they are not doing anything about it. The punishments awarded to cheats and deceivers do not befit the extent of their crimes. And I am using this harsh tone on purpose because this is a very sensitive issue.

Today Ghana was robbed of a World Cup semifinal because of a player who used his hands quite deliberately to lob the ball away. The player in question (Luis Suarez) was sent off and Ghana awarded a penalty (which some deem sufficent punishment). The penalty was not converted, the match went to penalty shootouts and Uruguay won. I think Ghana was denied a win by blatant cheating and the player deserves more than was given. A year ban from football at least.

FIFA, however, will not do this. They will not punish Suarez any further and he will return soon playing football possibly even a World Cup final. How unfair is that to Ghana and it’s people who should currently be celebrating reaching a World Cup semifinal but instead the whole nation is engulfed in sadness after having their dreams snatched away from them. To Uruguayans Suarez is a hero but to most of the world he is a villain. He does not deserve any respect or rewards but he will get both and all because of FIFA and it’s ignorant attitude.

This is not the first controversy this World Cup has produced that could have been avoided if FIFA adopted a few minor changes. Poor officiating that cost them vital goals earlier hard did both England and Mexico. FIFA need to make only a few simple changes and all this can be forgotten but for whatever reason (probably money) they do not do so. They keep coming back with the same old excuses. Video technology, which could have avoided the most talked-about controversies, is still not used. Football is the only major sport in the world that does not take advantage of resources that have been available for years.

All I can say is shame on you FIFA and shame on you Sepp Blatter for making a mockery of the beautiful game. It’s time someone sensible takes charge. Someone who listens to the world’s reasonable demands. Someone who can make sure that heroes like Asamoah Gyan do not end up in tears because of all the wrong reasons.

Roy Hodgson becomes Liverpool manager

Roy Hodgson was today named the new Liverpool manager. The task he faces is not any easy one. Liverpool is in decline and there is a great possibility they may lose their star players namely Steven Gerrard and Fernando Torres. But my job is not to consider what lies ahead for Roy. No, I’m here to predict what he might or might not do and what lies ahead for Liverpool.

1) Roy makes Lucas club captain: This may be an unpopular choice but given the likely departure of Steven Gerrard, Lucas is the obvious choice (shut up Jamie!). Lucas will bring stability, a solid back-line and an eagerness to attack. His youthful enthusiasm might be exactly what Liverpool need. Or there’s also the other possibility that Liverpool might be relegated.

2) Roy fires Jamie Carragher: Again, this might be an unpopular choice but ultimately exactly what Liverpool need. Lets face it. Jamie is slow, old and at times useless. He is like Yoda usually: old, tired-looking and slow but when a f*cking attacker comes he becomes lightning quick and pwns those bastards. Roy could fire him and make Liverpool fast, energetic and a force to be reckoned with or keep him and remain where they are.

3) Roy brings in Paul Konchesky: A bold move by the Hodgsonator. Konchesky’s awesome defensive skills and powerful left foot might be exactly what Liverpool need. His shiny, bald head is also the stuff of legend.

4) Roy brings Danny Murphy home: So maybe Roy is bringing too many of his former Fulham players to Anfield and he may regret this. But then again Danny Murphy is a cult hero at Liverpool defeating the hated Man United (friggin’ Scum!) on many occasions. At a time like this Liverpool need heroes and Danny Murphy is a potential hero. (I’ve been calling on Rafa to bring him back to Anfield for the last 2 years and I’m not even a f*cking Liverpool fan)

5) Roy tells the Kop to shut up: Sure the atmosphere at Anfield is legendary and the players love the support of the “12th man”. But Roy is a quiet man and he protrudes calmness. If the fans have to shut up for Liverpool to progress then they have to shut up. Roy hopes that in years to come Liverpool will be remember for their serenity and the triumphs that came with this tranquility.

6) Roy decides to focus on the Europa League: Because lets face it. This could be the only way to bring success to Anfield.

7) Roy sells Emilano Insua for being too short: Who wouldn’t? The guy’s a midget.

8) Roy sells Peter Crouch for being too tall: Oh wait, Rafa already did that.

9) Roy trades in Aquilani for a Ferrari: The Ferrari is the better Italian and lasts longer. It also rarely gets injured and doesn’t need time to settle in.

10) Roy buys Liverpool: The Yanks are willing to go low, and Roy has money. So this is a possibility. Roy would then sell Liverpool for a handsome profit and retire.

Jack Wilshere: The Future

England’s inability to win a major international trophy is frustrating to say the least. They have the player and they have the talent. Yet they seem unable to deliver when it matters most. Therefore change is needed. Change we can believe in (shut up Barack!). There’s only one answer to England’s problems: Jack Wilshere. It’s time. He’s coming. Because Jack Wilshere is not one person, Jack Wilshere is a movement. A warning to the world and the way forward for England. The brightest young talent to emerge in recent times (shut up Wayne Rooney!). Jack is bundle of awesomeness waiting to burst and shower the world with his amazing-ness.

Notable comments about Jack:

Cesc from Barcelona “He taught me how to pass.”

Jose from Madrid “He is the real Special One”

Sven from an unknown location “Well…he is a great player. I would love to see him at the Fulham. What a great club Fulham is with its rich history and cottages…” “Stop pimping yourself Sven!” “Well…I was not pimping myself…” “Shut up Sven!”

Papa Bouba from Senegal “He scares me. He may seem little but you don’t mess with him. When he attacks, I run away. He also threatened my wife.”

Arsene from London “Well eet was me who saw heem first at the tender age of 9. And I wanted to put heem in ze team straight away. But Pat convinced me that maybe eet was too early. He has the talent and ofcourse he is eez England’s future”

And who can disagree with Arsene? The man’s produced the brightest and best talent in the world and made Arsenal a selling club. Sure enough many of Arsene’s young protégé’s have gone on to other clubs and had plenty of success.
Jack Wilshere might be the best of the lot. His undeniable talent, thirst for success and the exuberance of youth is exactly what England need now.

It’s time. Jack Wilshere is coming.

Top 10 reasons why England lost to Germany:

1) Emile Heskey.
2) Emile Heskey screwed up Wayne Rooney.
3) Fabio Capello thinks too much about Emile Heskey. (to be fair to him who wouldn’t? Look at that big, muscular, magnificent specimen)
4) The referee was distracted by Emile Heskey’s absence and failed to notice Lampard’s goal.
5) Emile Heskey made Mesut Ozil faster.
6) Wayne Rooney and James Milner wouldn’t sing the national anthem….because of Emile Heskey.
7) Emile Heskey is not the Queen. If he was England would surely be victorious. Happy and glorious. (may Emile Heskey live long and be noble)
8) Why the f*ck is Emile Heskey not the Queen?
9) Miroslav Klose and Lukas Podolski are Polish. Ze Germans cheated. Hmph. F*cking Emile Heskey.
10) England didn’t really lose to Germany it was all just a bad dream and Emile Heskey is the Boogeyman. (OMFG Emile Heskey!)

Top 10 reasons to vote Eboué tomorrow (May 6th)

• Eboué is not a right-winger or a left-winger. He can play anywhere.

• Eboué won’t lower taxes, he’ll end taxes.

• Eboué promises to bring more quality to England as he has done in the past. On the 16th of December 2007 Eboué broke John Terry’s foot. This was partly because he found out about JT cheating on his wife and partly because he wanted Branislav Ivanovic to come to the Premier League. Next month Chelsea signed Ivanovic. This year he was named in the PFA Team of the Year. Go figure. Eboué brings quality.

• Let’s be honest, nobody, not even Nick Clegg himself know how he got so much support. Handing such responsibility to someone like this is dangerous and plain stupid. (coughcoughSTEVEMCLARENcoughcough). David Cameron is clearly evil and Gordon Brown is always confused about where he is. F*ck the rest, vote Eboué.


• Eboué promises to make Ekdjhsklfngl stop spewing ash with his dance moves. Also, you don’t want to make Eboué angry. The last time someone annoyed him a volcano erupted and thousands of flights in Europe were cancelled.

• Eboué promises to clean up the Britain. And he’ll start by ending the evil that is the BNP and making Tottenham Hotspur illegal.

• This isn’t about Arsenal or Chelsea or Liverpool. This is more than just football (f*ck Spurs, everyone hates them). On May 6th you have the choice to vote Eboué and make a difference.

• Because even Fernando Torres has endorsed Eboué.


• Eboué promises to make Sir Alex Ferguson stop chewing gum. As for his redness, well, even Eboué can’t do anything about that.

• And finally, Eboué promises to make Arsene Wenger “see it”. Errr…what “it” is we don’t quite know.

(Join the Eboué campaign’s official Facebook page where I got all the photos from)